Curse

Master Ketsu · Aug 31, 2009, 12:16 AM // 00:16

Hey guys! I just had teh bestest idear in teh world ZOMG !!!1111!!!

Why not have a PvE only skill set track that is based off of your rank in PvP? That way, PvP'ers would have a way to show how uber pro leet ty all are and how all pve'ers suxors the maxors omg roflcopters BBQ!!!!

Check out these awesome skills.

e= energy
r= recharge

Clarification: "noob" is defined as a human controlled party member who is Rank 0, Glad 0, Commander0, and champ 0 -OR- has 30k less maximum balth faction cap than you do.
Monk

"Stop Being Bad."
5e, 20r
Shout. for 15...30 seconds, whenever an ally extends more than 1.2 aggro bubbles away from you, that ally is shadow stepped to your location and knocked down. This skill only affects players that are at least 3 hero ranks lower than you and are noobs.

Warrior

"GTFO! You're so bad!"
20e, 120r
Shout. If target dead ally is a noob that ally is kicked from your party and replaced by a hero with the same skills and profession under your control. ( 50% failure chance with Hero Rank 4 or less )

Ranger

"Lawl my team is bad."
15e,
Shout. All dead allies are resurrected at 50...100% health and energy and are teleported to your location. Allies teleported this way that are noobs are kicked from your party and replaced by a hero with the same skills and profession under your control. This skill fails unless your entire party except for yourself is dead. This skill only recharges when you gain a morale boost. ( 50% failure chance with Hero Rank 4 or less )

Necromancer

"A minion could do a better job than you!"
20e, 60r
Shout. Exploit the corpse of target dead noob to create a level 27...35 animated Bone Dragon equipped with 12...17 blood magic and 5...8 random blood magic skills. For the remainder of the instance or mission, the noob who's corpse was exploited this way cannot be resurrected. Animated Bone Dragons can be resurrected by resurrection skills if they die.

Mesmer

"I herd u like mudkips"
15e, 100r
Shout. For 10 seconds all noobs in earshot are transformed into Lv 15...30 mudkips that are equipped with 8 random Water magic skills. These mudkips are uncontrollable by the players replaced and use Hero AI.

Elementalist

"Ups yer baed."
10e, 30r
Shout. For 20....30 seconds target noob has -1...4 to all attribute points while you have +1...4 to all attribute points.

Assassin

"These guys are noobs. Kill them instead!"
10e, 45r
Shout. For 30 seconds, enemies in earshot are 65...100% more likely to aggro and attack the noobs on your team. Each noob affected by this causes your Critical strikes skills to recharge 10%...25% faster.

Ritualist

"Death pact yourself nub."
10e, 60r
Shout. Target ally is resurrected with your current health and 50...100% energy. If that ally dies again within the next 20 seconds and is lower ranked than you are, that ally is kicked from your team and replaced by a hero with the same skills and profession under your control. If the ally was higher ranked than you or equally ranked, you die as well.

Paragon

"DERP DERP IM A PARAGON HERP DURP!"
5e, 30r
Shout. For 10 seconds all noobs in earshot have 1...3 energy degen, and all non noobs gain 1...3 energy regen. If most of the players affected by this shout were noobs then this shout lasts on your teammates for the remainder of the instance and you automatically ragequit to the Great temple of balthazar.

Dervish

"I'm surrounded by morons!"
10e, 60r
Shout. Lose all enchantments. For each enchantment lost, one noob within earshot that is below 60% health is killed. For each noob killed this way, you have 6...10 seconds of invulnerability ( all damage dealt to you is reduced to 0, and you are immune to hexes and conditions. ) If your entire party except for yourself is killed this way, the invulnerability duration is increased by 100...150%.

Demonlord Matt · Aug 31, 2009, 12:46 AM // 00:46

Omfg those skills are such 1337 wtfpwnag3 you pwn *** man

Need More Donuts · Aug 31, 2009, 12:49 AM // 00:49

This is the greatest thing I have ever seen....

Show Some Skin · Aug 31, 2009, 12:58 AM // 00:58

I want that sweet Mesmer one...even tho im noob D:

Still Number One · Aug 31, 2009, 01:02 AM // 01:02

"Stop being bad" is by far the best idea ever. I don't know what your reason for making this thread is but I don't really care because that actually made me smile. I commend you sir. I commend you.

waeland · Aug 31, 2009, 01:02 AM // 01:02

Unlinked:

"Apage Wammo"
10e, 30r
Shout. Any warrior in the area using Mending is kicked-off party and transported to Pre-Searing. You get random hero and random Asura summon for each target affected. This skill can self target.

Anomaly: if whole party is wiped byt this skill, your heroes refuse to leave town with you for 30 minutes.

Dzjudz · Aug 31, 2009, 01:15 AM // 01:15

"Stop being bad!" is actually a pretty good idea in pugs.

Silverhand · Aug 31, 2009, 01:31 AM // 01:31

WTB "Stop being bad" pls

TrippieHippie89 · Aug 31, 2009, 01:39 AM // 01:39

i hurd you liek mudkips....want

i lol'ed - true story

MagmaRed · Aug 31, 2009, 01:52 AM // 01:52

This belongs in Riverside, not Sardelac. Even your title says it is satire, and not an actual idea for Anet to use. It may be humorous, but it is in the wrong place.

/request move

Xx Da Best Xx · Aug 31, 2009, 02:44 AM // 02:44

i liek teh id uh of teh "Stop Being Bad". Kthxbai.

subarucar · Aug 31, 2009, 03:55 AM // 03:55

A-net give us Stop Being Bad in the next content update please.

AngelWJedi · Aug 31, 2009, 04:31 AM // 04:31

omg! these are soo funny! and some would even workg good ingame. lols!

but i am sad to see no para,rt,sin or dervie ones.

Neo Atomisk · Aug 31, 2009, 05:03 AM // 05:03

/signed 12chars

Owik Gall · Aug 31, 2009, 05:19 AM // 05:19

[The warning is appreciated, but this satire belongs to Riverside or somewhere else, not here. Otherwise this would have been a seriously suggested idea. +1 to have this moved.]

Very requested yet it's all for the lawls! XD I love it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by AngelWJedi

omg! these are soo funny! and some would even workg good ingame. lols!

but i am sad to see no para,rt,sin or dervie ones.

OP, this girl wants to see skills for those classes too!
Appease her demands!
Appease her, damn you!
XD
Lol!

(It would be awesome if Anet would implement this for April Fools Day.)

NOTE: This post was all in good fun in spirit of the thread. Be nice and keep playing along, will you?

stuntharley · Aug 31, 2009, 05:23 AM // 05:23

I love how you quote 4chan, rules 1&2.

reaper with no name · Aug 31, 2009, 06:03 AM // 06:03

I so want the dervish one (I would WANT noobs in my team for that one; new SF ftw).

But yes, this needs to be moved.

Tenebrae · Aug 31, 2009, 07:32 AM // 07:32

Funny to read but dont think its the right place :_D

some guy · Sep 01, 2009, 02:10 AM // 02:10

Yes my hero rank is high enough!

Gift3d · Sep 02, 2009, 01:41 PM // 13:41

"Don't die in 3 hits!"
Monk
5e 20r
Target ally's armor is stripped of 1..4 superior runes and 1..3 runes of attunement. Those runes are replaced with minor runes and runes of vitae.